Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Disciplining by Tolerance

One effective way of disciplining our kids is by tolerating them. And I have proven it.

It is my son’s routine to play with the kids from our neighborhood outside our house every afternoon. The day before yesterday, he was down with a cold and a cough. When he asked if he could play outside, I told him no. It is a fact that when a kid is not allowed to do something (specially playing) that he enjoys too much, he would throw tantrums and would really be misbehaving for quite a time. My son is no different, since I did not allow him to go out, he yelled at me, told me he doesn’t love anymore, he told me to go pack away my things and leave. I was so shocked and hurt. Imagine a 5 year old kid could say to his mom those things just because he was not allowed to play? And so I reacted negatively at first. I yelled back at him, (I know I shouldn’t have done it!) told him I don’t are if he doesn’t love anymore, and I would not pack away my things and instead it will be his things I will pack away, and would give him to his grandma with his dad. Of course what would you expect, he yelled back at me “no” and cried for sometime. He went to his room, locked himself in. He was obviously hurt with what I said. And I was hurt at the same time, not with what he said, but with what I did and said. And so after dinner, I talked to him and explained that he can’t play because he is sick. He apologized, but the damage was done. I had shown him resentment, and it hurt him. Now the next day, that was yesterday he asked again if he could go out and play. I told him no, as he is still sick. Again, he yelled at me and told me he doesn’t love me, and this time he was really defiant. He still went out but just watched the kids play, but he did not go out of our gate. He watched the kids from the inside of the premises of our home. I was thinking of yelling at him, or giving him that mean look so that he would get inside the house, but remembering what happened the day after, I know he will not understand that I just don’t want him to get sick more, but instead he would feel resented just because he wants to play. And so what I did is I reminded him with love, that he is sick and his being outside may cause him to be sicker, and he would need to go to the hospital. He did not respond, he did not even look at me. And so I left him by the gate, went back inside and prepared dinner. After I guess 20 minutes or so he knocked at the door and asked if could go inside. I said yeah and the day ended with no trouble. Now this afternoon, two of his playmates came and invited him to play. Guess what he said, “oh sorry I can’t play with you today, I am sick and it’s windy. Maybe I could play with you tomorrow when I get better.”

If yesterday I yelled at him, he would not have understood that I just don’t want him to get sick; he would have thought I just don’t want him to go out and would not let him play. Tolerance, lets our kids realize that we don’t permit or allow them sometimes with the things they want because we don’t want them to be harmed. Tolerance allows us parents to show our real intentions to our kids. It allows us to show our love to them. For with tolerance is patience. And patience is love. And thus with tolerance, our kids not only understand our reasons, but also they learn patience, most of all, they learn love.

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