Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Angry Child/ Violent Child: What Causes children to be angry and violent?

No child is inherently bad, parents always remember that.

Many kids of today are becoming angry. I hear kids yell at their parents. I hear stories from parents about their kids being violent. What makes a child angry and violent in the first place?

Yes, we could be the reasons, the ones who are making our children angry and violent. How? Children learn what they live. How are you treating your children? Do you yell at them every time they do something you do not want, and/or irk you? Do you punish them every time they misbehave or every time they do not meet you expectations? What is the atmosphere of your home? Is it of hostility? Our children grow angry and become violent simply because we are teaching them to be angry and violent.

Parents who are always angry, always yelling, always lashing at their children in every single inconvenience and discomfort that they cause, are teaching their children anger. If a child is shaped and/or lived with hostility, definitely, a child will also become hostile.

Improper punishment causes children to be violent. If in every mistake of a child, if in every time he causes frustrations and disappointments to his parent he gets beaten and whacked, expect that when this child gets frustrated and disappointed, he will likely to become violent. Improper punishment also stirs a child to be angry. Why does he get beaten every now and then? Why do his parents hurt him? Remember children do not know yet most of the demarcation line of what is proper and acceptable from not, especially very young children. So if they get violent and painful punishments in their every mistake instead of informing them that what they have done is improper, they will not learn that what they did is wrong. With the pain inflicted to them, they will instead learn to be angry and defiant.

Parents’ inattention or lack of time for the children also causes them to be angry. Our children need our attention and time. Attention and time equates love for them. Spending time with our children makes them feel loved, important and secured. It also makes them feel they are cared for. The lack of attention and time to the children robs them off of the opportunity to learn these things. And thus they will tend to learn the opposite of these which are insecurity and rejection. Which would then lead to demanding and aggressive attitudes of children. Which would consequently cause frustrations and thus harboring feelings of anger.

TV programs that portray violence
Children are impressionable. What they see, even for just once sometimes, leave a mark in their young minds, especially very young children. The things that they see, that they live as they are growing up are the things that they learn and shape their minds. So if they get access to violent TV shows and movies, violence tends to get impressed on their minds. Consequently, as evident today, they learn violence. Their minds are set to the notion that violence is a way of life, a norm. Permissiveness of parents becomes and issue here. Make sure your children do not have access to violent movies and TV shows. Children will only have access if parents permit or are lax with the TV and the movies they see.

Children of today are increasingly becoming violent and angry. And raising kids is becoming increasingly frustrating and disappointing. But parents should realize that there is always something that we could do. As I have said in the beginning of this post, no children are inherently bad. No children are born bad or evil for that matter. They are born empty, and with the promise of opportunity for parents to raise them up well. It’s up to us; basically it’s mainly of our responsibility that our children are angry and violent.

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Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Childhood Pressures of Today


Every one in this world passes through but once. And this includes of course, our children. But today, it seems that more and more parents are forgetting this. They forget that their child is a child, going through childhood! Parents forget that their kids are kids, they make their kids child-adult, pressure them with so much in this life! Their reason is that it is for their children, buy actually more for them. That they may feel good, happy and proud. What are these pressures that I am saying?

Academic pressures. Childhood is supposed to be learning; it is supposed to be discoveries and observations. It should be free of comparisons and competitions. But nowadays, how many parents would pressure their children just so they could achieve excellence and them be proud?

Pressure to take care of themselves. Both parents nowadays are working to earn more money and buy more comfort, but it also mean lesser time for their children. Children should be taken cared of while they are still young. They are to be taken cared of not only because they are still small and basically incapable of taking care of themselves, but also that they may learn what is care (which equates love) and so they will know how to care someday. Don’t be surprised if more and more kids of today are growing apathetic and non-caring.

Pressure to fit in or acceptance. Kids are kids; they are supposed to be enjoying life and learning love and acceptance! But what is happening now? More and more kids, and younger and younger are going through the pressure of fitting in. Why? Because our society demands it. Because as individuals who are members of this society, we, parents demand it! And falls into this area academic pressures, the pressure of submission (this is a broad and quite sensitive subject, for all to know, submission are different from that of obedient. One kid could be submissive but not obedient, and kids are obedient but not submissive). This pressure results basically to bullying and rebellion at an early age.

The pressure of being a family. As the incidents of divorce and separation among parents are growing, the pressure of being in a family is also growing among our kids. When parents separate, it is always because of their differences, their mistakes, because they no longer happy. But what about the kids? What about the human beings hay have brought into this world? Shouldn’t they be considered? Families are not just about parents, it is not just the two of them. It includes the children, the human beings they have brought into this world. Shouldn’t they be asked their say with the issue of divorce or separation? Shouldn’t they be asked if they are happy? What if there is also a divorce of kids from parents, what if kids could choose and demand to have a change of parents?

The above pressures are robbing off our children of their childhood. Their childhood, the very essence of their life at their particular age bracket- kids. And then we wake up everyday asking each other what happened to our kids of today, why have they become so different 10, 20 years before. Why kids could now kill? I guess we need not ask no more.

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