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Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Angry Child/ Violent Child: What Causes children to be angry and violent?

No child is inherently bad, parents always remember that.

Many kids of today are becoming angry. I hear kids yell at their parents. I hear stories from parents about their kids being violent. What makes a child angry and violent in the first place?

Parents/Home
Yes, we could be the reasons, the ones who are making our children angry and violent. How? Children learn what they live. How are you treating your children? Do you yell at them every time they do something you do not want, and/or irk you? Do you punish them every time they misbehave or every time they do not meet you expectations? What is the atmosphere of your home? Is it of hostility? Our children grow angry and become violent simply because we are teaching them to be angry and violent.

Parents who are always angry, always yelling, always lashing at their children in every single inconvenience and discomfort that they cause, are teaching their children anger. If a child is shaped and/or lived with hostility, definitely, a child will also become hostile.

Improper punishment causes children to be violent. If in every mistake of a child, if in every time he causes frustrations and disappointments to his parent he gets beaten and whacked, expect that when this child gets frustrated and disappointed, he will likely to become violent. Improper punishment also stirs a child to be angry. Why does he get beaten every now and then? Why do his parents hurt him? Remember children do not know yet most of the demarcation line of what is proper and acceptable from not, especially very young children. So if they get violent and painful punishments in their every mistake instead of informing them that what they have done is improper, they will not learn that what they did is wrong. With the pain inflicted to them, they will instead learn to be angry and defiant.

Parents’ inattention or lack of time for the children also causes them to be angry. Our children need our attention and time. Attention and time equates love for them. Spending time with our children makes them feel loved, important and secured. It also makes them feel they are cared for. The lack of attention and time to the children robs them off of the opportunity to learn these things. And thus they will tend to learn the opposite of these which are insecurity and rejection. Which would then lead to demanding and aggressive attitudes of children. Which would consequently cause frustrations and thus harboring feelings of anger.

TV programs that portray violence
Children are impressionable. What they see, even for just once sometimes, leave a mark in their young minds, especially very young children. The things that they see, that they live as they are growing up are the things that they learn and shape their minds. So if they get access to violent TV shows and movies, violence tends to get impressed on their minds. Consequently, as evident today, they learn violence. Their minds are set to the notion that violence is a way of life, a norm. Permissiveness of parents becomes and issue here. Make sure your children do not have access to violent movies and TV shows. Children will only have access if parents permit or are lax with the TV and the movies they see.

Children of today are increasingly becoming violent and angry. And raising kids is becoming increasingly frustrating and disappointing. But parents should realize that there is always something that we could do. As I have said in the beginning of this post, no children are inherently bad. No children are born bad or evil for that matter. They are born empty, and with the promise of opportunity for parents to raise them up well. It’s up to us; basically it’s mainly of our responsibility that our children are angry and violent.

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12 comments:

Inayat said...

Hey Dear,
Thnxx for ur comment. U r da very 1st person who hv posted it.
Bt my blog is not meant for my photograph, bt my poetries n thoughts. U may not understand the language.
Ur attempt of raising such a sensible issue is also worth appreciating.
Keep doing gud work.

Wena said...

hi!
your post is very relevant and true. this will help parents like me in the proper way of raising our children.

i promise to go back to your blog and read your previous posts.

God Bless

Paula said...

Thanks for sharing your thought..Its an eyeopener.healthy eating tips

Anonymous said...

But what if the child (11 year old preteen in my case) is well behaved at school, always gets straight A's, but ALWAYS irritable at home with her parents? My husband gets angry and yells at me very often, but is very loving and gentle to the child. I am very fair, almost to the point of being like a friend to her. I spend time with her talking about my childhood to see if she'll relate and maybe open up about what's angering and irritating her. I try not to irritate or nag her.

I am worried.

gel said...

hi anonymous mommy...

Based on my experiences with teens and pre-teens, what irritates her is the fact that your husband is not treating you well... Does she hear and/or see you fighting? Or do you just let your husband treat you that way?

children value their mothers greatly, and if she's being treated ill, chances are they become angry to the person who is hurting their mom, especially if it's the father. Now if the mother does not defend herself or just let herself being hurt or treated unfairly, the children will not just get mad with the person hurting their mother but also to their mother as well, and what is alarming is that they tend to get mad more on the mother than the person hurting her. I can't understand why this reactions of children but maybe one thing to consider is the fact that the children couldn't do anything because they are still children, so they get frustrated with themselves, and this frustration then is directed to the mother because she is an adult and she is capable of defending herself and/or doing something so the ill-treatment will be stopped but is not doing anything....

Be careful also because this could also happen if it's the father who is being treated unfairly and just let things be, the reaction of the kids are basically the same.

another consequence of this situation is that chances are, the child might turn out homosexual. Imagine the pressure of the situation, add it up to the facts of hormonal and behavioral changes among pre-teens and teenagers, homosexuality becomes an escape goat, or rather a defense mechanism to the pressure and anxiety brought by their inability to understand adults ways....

Anonymous mom, pardon me for addressing you this way, you could email me if you have some more questions, don't worry your identity and personal details is protected. Juts shoot me an email at child.raising.blog@gmail.com

I would be very happy to hear from you...

Laurie J. Crocker said...

It is true that the environment speaks something about the child. We cannot just question why a child acts a certain way because they are just like a sponge ready to absorb anything around it and would readily apply that behavior at any given circumstance. Thus raising a child is also the perfect time to tie loose ends of every parent's attitude too.

Yvonne C. Preston said...

Parent's might not directly teaching violence, they are doing that unconsciously because in the eyes of a child there is no gray areas, it’s either good or bad. To teach a child we must be a child; looking how they see and feel the world because an adult mind is so complex that there can be so many reason for everything

gel said...

MY NEW EMAIL ADDRESS IS angel.tenorio@yahoo.com.ph

Anonymous said...

Jumping to the conclusion that it is the parents' mistakes is just as hasty as the parents described within. I know parents that have several children, and only one is a rebel, or has ADD, or has a reasoning or anger problem.

Anonymous said...

Honestly this is so untrue every child who has anger probs its the "parents" fault seriously get a grip

Anonymous said...

Really, i believe every child is different. and coming from a place where love was not found. i have given my children hugs daily, harsh words are not used, and physical punishment is never permited. I have a child with anger problems, You are wrong in saying it is always the parents fault. When there is head trauma a childs brain tries to rewire itself, when a child is deaf, it the ears fault not hers or her parents and when a child cant speak it is the brains fault not the parent. I fully believe that you are mistaken. Does self rightous fall into the category of perfect parenting. At least some people are open minded and believe in the good of others. Good luck to you. Just out of curosity ur not a parent are you?

gel said...

Anonymous...

we are talking here of kids becoming angry... of course, injury and disorders are another thing...

I am a parent and a friend to amny parents. and have been, once a child and a friend to many children.

also, I am a youth coordinator and counselor.

so most of the things written here are based on facts. Although it may not apply to everybody.

but i stand on what I have said that basically what becomes of our children is the parents' responsibility...

it's a fact.

on the case of children with disorders, they can have at least "good and comfortable" life with the help and support of the parents.

this post is not anti-parent, I merely wanted to shed light on the not very much recognized factors of what could be causing anger and violence among children.

anyways people ALMOST ALWAYS BLAME and/or GIVE CREDIT to their childhood for what they have become.

you may not agree with my post, still I am grateful for visiting my blog. thanks...

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