Sunday, December 16, 2007

Why and when do you punish your kids?


When was the last time you got angry with your kid?

Admit it; we parents get mad with our kids mostly for the reason that they disturb us and their behavior makes us more disappointed with ourselves. They have done something that made us feel more inadequate and of short to a lot of things. They made us look like someone incapable of so many things. And of course when we are fuming mad with disappointment, we tend to release it, not to ourselves but to our kids. The ones who are responsible in making us feel this disappointment, in making us see more how inadequate and incapable we are. Hence we tend to not only lash and yell to our kids, but punish them.

Thus, we parents punish our kids mostly not for the reason that they have misbehaved but because they are getting on our way, they disturb the stressful moment we are wallowing in, their noises add up with the noise that is in our heads, or simply they disturb us. We punish our kids mostly for the reason that their behavior embarrass us, makes us more disappointed with ourselves, and makes us see more our inadequacies, our shortcomings.

I must admit when I was a first time mom, especially when my kid was still incapable of communicating verbally, I was a parent who punish my kid not because of his behavior but mainly because of my disappointment with myself. And I have learned that when we do this thing to our kids, we are hurting them emotionally and spiritually. We are crushing their lives with our hands; we are unmaking them as a person. As I am always saying to my friend, punishing our kids because of the wrong reasons is like raising them up to be delinquent and future criminals.

As I have asked, when was the last time you got angry and punished your kid? Why? Was it because he has done something that is bad, or harmful to him, or because his actions caused you to feel more inadequate?

The lives of our children are in our hands. We, parents should always remember this. We have the power to make or unmake them as a person. Although, when they grow up they will be as whom they chose to be, BUT the knowing that you made a mistake in bringing them up, the knowing that you were not able to show love when they most need it, I just can’t imagine how tormenting and how miserable this could be. Remember, the times and chances to show love to our kids will only pass once and brief. Should we lose this chance, we’d never be able to bring it back again. As we live each day to the fullest, we should love our kids, show them how much we love them every minute, every moment that they are still by our side believing everything we say and do, because they grow up fast. And what we teach them now, what we show them now, will play a big role in the determining of what kind of a person they will be in the future. It is also the SOLE DETERMINANT of whether we will be happy and contented at the near sunset of our lives.

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David said...

Hi Gel,

Decided to pop in here for a change! I think you are a very mature person and it shows in your handling of being a mother at a young age (you still ARE very young you know - look at me LOL!) and it is NOT easy being a parent at all.

I have had two children and now there are 4 grands there that MY daughters (one married one single, each has two children)are raising/ position is SOMEWHAT better now LOL!

Hang in there as you are doing, keep searching within as you are doing, and grow and help those beautiful children grow as well. I applaud you!



: )

Sammi T. said...

Great blog with lots of useful information.My kids very rarely ever took temper tantrums when they were little. If so, I always ignored them and walked away. They soon gave up.I get mad at someone at least a dozen times a day.I look at that as my problem not theirs. Kids are supposed to act like kids.Keep blogging!Sammi

Meagan M. Cox said...

Punishing a child should not be so frequent that it will already lose its value. Just like us adults, children should be given chances and one must not take advantage of being "parent" to be a tripper because that will eventually result to resentment caused by a deep scarred childhood memory. Give them chances to commit mistakes and redeem themselves, but still when all of this fails, comes the punishment to give emphasis on the point not being recognized FOLLOWED BY a "debriefing exercise" to let the child understand the "WHYs". A piece of thought...