Handling Tantrums - How to Handle Yourself When your Kids Throw Tantrums

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Tantrums are a misbehavior most parents dread. So what to do if it arises?

IGNORE

When children throw tantrums, they cry, they shriek, they yell, they throw things, even try to hurt you, and sometimes they even try to hurt themselves too. Talking to them at this point is useless. They would only cry more, yell and shriek louder. Attention reinforces this misbehavior. But if you ignore it, eventually the child will stop.

My son used to bang his head on the wall when there’s something that he wants and he was not allowed to have. At first I would try to cover his head because of fear he might hurt himself, but the more he would do it. I would end up giving in to his wants just so he would not bang his head. I knew it was not right. I knew this teaches him to threat so that he could get what he wants. So I asked the occupational therapist (OT, he was undergoing therapy at that time because of speech delay) what to do. She suggested ignoring my son when this attitude arises and be firm. And so I did. Though anxious that he might hurt himself, I tried my very best to ignore him. The first time, it took a while before he finally stopped. I did not try to cover his head, and acted as if I did not see him, and so after a while, probably when his head starts to hurt, he stopped. And so from that time on, in every time he throws a tantrum, whatever he does, whether he cries, shriek, yell, and even throw things I ignore him. Now, he does not throw tantrums anymore.

My friend also proved that ignoring your child when he throws a tantrum is effective. Her daughter, probably because of the arrival of the new baby, would cry for several hours for no apparent reason at all. My friend and her husband would be so worried, and would do so many things trying to pacify her and stop her from crying. Their daughter instead of stopping from crying would cry even more. They tried to give her everything she wants and she asks for but she would still cry for no apparent reason at all. From several hours, her crying got worse to almost 13 hours a day! There was even a time when she cried the whole night until the next day till almost lunch! Exasperated, my friend called me up and asked what to do, and so I suggested what the therapist said, IGNORE and try asking her to help take care of the baby. After several days she called me up and said ignoring her daughter worked, she no longer cries and have started to act as a big sister.

So the next time your child throws a tantrum, ignore.

BE FIRM

One reason why children throw tantrums is that because they want something you do not allow. The tendency, they would throw a tantrum in hope to press you to give in.

An example, maybe they want to watch more TV while it’s already bedtime. My son used to throw tantrums because of this. And what I do is that I turn off the TV, unplug it and order him to get inside the room. I ignore his tantrums, and after sometime, when he get tired and would go quiet, I go to his room and explain why they need to go to sleep at that specific time. He would be ready to listen by then, and would apologize and would go to sleep.

Not only did you stop the tantrums at that specific moment when you stay firm in saying no, but also you are teaching your child that there are things that he can’t just have, or are not allowed to. This would teach him discipline and self-control.

DO NOT BE ANGRY

When your child throws tantrums, it is because he is frustrated. As I have mentioned on my previous post, to be able to teach him that tantrums is not an acceptable way to express frustrations, you should set the example. Communicate, express to him your disappointment with his misbehavior calmly. Because if you respond negatively with his negative behavior, you taught him by action, violence and anger. Remember, children learn what they live.
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I hope these tips have been helpful. I am not an expert parent; I am actually yet at the beginning of this job, still learning and needing to learn more.