I have posted about handling tantrums, but I guess not about the ABC on what causes kids to throw tantrums…
Knowing the causes why kids throw tantrums is essential as it is a big help in understanding the nature of this misbehavior and at the same time parents would be able to know how to respond to their children’s tantrums.
So, what causes tantrums?
Frustrations
Kids are no different from adults, they also get frustrated. Is it not that when adults get frustrated, we become angry, the emotional surge is sometimes overwhelming and draining, and we resort to crying and all sorts of unpleasant emotions flood us. As kids are no different from adults in getting frustrated, their responses to frustrations are no different from us too. The difference is in handling themselves as they respond to frustrations. With not self-control yet, lack of knowledge on the proprieties of life, tantrums is thus expected.
Most of the frustration among kids is caused by not being permitted to do and have the things they want. Some examples are the following:
- Watch TV programs that are not appropriate for them.
- Watch TV while it’s already bed time, study time, and/or meal time.
- Play when it’s bed time, study time, and/or meal time…
- Eat candy or junk foods…
- Buy the toys they want.
Since when parents say no, it means they can’t have or do what they want. And when kids are held back from the things they want, they get frustrated.
Frustrations among kids may also be elicited by inattention of parents to their children. Inattention of parents could make their children feel rejected, neglected, or simply not loved. Adults, us parents alone, if we start to feel unloved by our partners, and even our kids, feeling of frustrations flood our emotions right? How much more our children?
Frustration among our children can and may also be caused by our own frustrations. I don’t know if you notice, but when I get frustrated my kids also get frustrated. They seem to imbibe my emotions. And it’s not just me; my friends also notice it that their kids imbibe their emotions. I have read somewhere that our children read us, and they will most likely absorb what they see in us…
To get what they want.
There are some kids who throw tantrums so that they could get what they want, actually not just some, but a lot of kids. Many parents today make the mistake of giving in when their children would start to throw a fit just so the tantrums would stop. This may indeed stop a tantrum, but only for that time being. The next time a child was denied with the thing that he wants, he will surely throw a fit again, because he knows that when he does, even if Mommy and Daddy said no, he’ll eventually get what he wants.
To get their parents attention.
Some children would throw a fit for no apparent reason at all. This is not so, some children when they throw tantrums for no apparent reason are actually seeking their parents’ attention. They know that when they throw a fit their parents will notice them, and give them the attention they desperately seeking.
The atmosphere of your home, or simply how you treat your child.
Yes, how you treat your child, the atmosphere of your home could definitely elicit tantrum responses among your children. When the atmosphere of your house is generally hostile, expect a hostile kid. Not to mention hostility at home causes frustration among children.
When you seem to be frustrated with your child every now and then, expect a frustrated kid- frustration causes tantrums.
When in his every behavior, regardless if it is a misbehavior or just simply mistakes because of ignorance inherent to childhood, you yell, what do you expect your kid learned in communicating disapproval and frustration?
Tantrums are normal among children. When we were kids, we had tantrums too! And thus this shall pass; just don’t make the mistake of responding to it in a manner that will reinforce it. Read my previous post on Handling Tantrums.
TIP: If your kids are throwing tantrums think of this: “If I am on my child’s shoes how would I want to be taught that tantrums is not an acceptable behavior?
